21 Dec My Prayer Book
My prayer book is a chronicle of disappointment. Most lines filled with unfulfilled promises and broken dreams.
It has been difficult reading over it and realising how much God said he will do but I never saw fulfilled.
My prayer book is a challenge to God’s faithfulness. It pushed me to the wall and asked me to my face. …’’How will you react since God said this will happen, you obeyed, confessed the word, fasted, prayed and still chose to believe even when the promise never came forth?’’.
My prayer book contains broken wings, shattered hope and tears.
My prayer book is a reminder that God’s faithfulness is not limited to what he does or doesn’t do. He is good no matter how I feel or what happens. He is good in loss, failure, disappointment, sickness, shame and sorrow.
My prayer book is a reminder to count it pure joy, when I encounter trials of many kinds, because I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance.
My prayer book is a reminder that even when I walk through fire, he is there with me. He doesn’t stand at the beginning of the fire and cheer me to go on or stand at the end of it waiting for me to come though. He is with me through doubt, pain, confusion and days when I cried myself to sleep and days when I couldn’t sleep at all.
My prayer book is a reminder than God’s love is not more or less in certain situations than it is in others. It is constant, unique and equally as intense.
It is a reminder of community and how important it is to be surrounded by people you can be completely honest and vulnerable with. People who won’t act like you need to always know better or have it all together. People who will stay on the phone and be content with just hearing you cry because you have lost someone close to your heart and then sing worship songs in the background until you manage to sleep.
It is a reminder that being a Christian doesn’t mean things won’t be rough sometimes. It means that you have someone who can help you stand in faith even when the promise is not forthcoming.
My prayer book is a reminder that I am gold. Processed through fire.
It has made me realise where my strength truly lies. Not in myself but in him who knew me from my mother’ womb.
I want to rip off the pages and start again, but our pain is a testament of how nothing can break us if God is on our side.
My prayer book is a reminder of how to worship while I wait.
My prayer book is a reminder to build myself up in faith, be watchful and vigilant even when everything is going well because it is the word I have stored up in my heart and the testimony of God’s goodness that I will need on dark days.
No matter how the year has been for you, look forward with hope, give thanks for both the answered and unanswered prayers, count your blessings and know that God is intimately aware of your being.